My random thoughts...can't sleep | loverintheclouds's Blog

It's 3 in the morning and I have class in about 5 hours. Why I can't sleep is beyond me. I'm laying down and thinking about my future. I'm 22 years old. I feel like time is flying by. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I graduate. I wish I knew the purpose of my life. Like what am I suppose to be doing? I just know I am suppose to change the world. The question is how though. How am I suppose to change the world? Where am I suppose to go? 

Then there is Valentine's Day. I have never in my whole existence had a valentine. I was close one year but I wasn't interested. I know I'm pretty but I think I still repel guys. I have no idea why though. Am I intimidating? I have no clue. I feel I am going to be single for the rest of my life. I don't think I would mind being by myself. Sure I would miss the physical aspect such as holding hands, cuddling, and of course my favorite kissing. Kissing has to be my absolute favorite thing to do with a person and to me it is very intimate and pleasurable. 

Sorry I've rambled. Do you think dreams mean anything? or can they meet anything? I had a dream about one of my guy friends that I really care about. I feel this weird connection to him. That could just be me getting attached though. I tend to do that a lot. I hate getting attached to people because then when they distance themselves from me it hurts. It makes me incredibly sad. Well going back to my guy friend I'm not really sure how I feel about him. There are days where I want to hold his hand or kiss him. I get feelings I shouldn't be getting. That could just be the sexual attraction I guess. Funny because when I first met him I was not one bit attracted to him. Now that I know him I am. I'm not sure if it's his personality or just because of the fact he is incredibly smart. I love nerds what can I say. It could also be the fact that he is completely oblivious when it comes to girls. He has never had an official first kiss and he is still a virgin. It makes him seem innocent and vulnerable. Not that I have any experience in that department because realistically I don't. I think I like him but then I don't. I think about him often. More than I should since he is just a friend. I keep asking myself if I like him. Like if he was to tell me "Hey I like you" I wouldn't know what to say because I really don't know if I do. So how do you know if you like somebody? You usually know right. I don't. It's really hard for me to get feelings for somebody. I think something is wrong with me. If he was to get into a relationship right now I'm going to be honest and say that it would hurt a little. 

If you're still with me, hang on in there. Everything is going to be okay. 

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Previous Posts
My random thoughts...can't sleep, posted February 4th, 2013
:'(, posted April 12th, 2011, 1 comment
Lost in the world, posted April 7th, 2011, 2 comments
Hello World, posted January 13th, 2011, 1 comment

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