It's 3 in the morning and I have class in about 5 hours. Why I can't sleep is beyond me. I'm laying down and thinking about my future. I'm 22 years old. I feel like time is flying by. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I graduate. I wish I knew the purpose of my life. Like what am I suppose to be doing? I just know I am suppose to change the world. The question is how though. How am I suppose to change the world? Where am I suppose to go?
Then there is Valentine's Day. I have never in my whole existence had a valentine. I was close one year but I wasn't interested. I know I'm pretty but I think I still repel guys. I have no idea why though. Am I intimidating? I have no clue. I feel I am going to be single for the rest of my life. I don't think I would mind being by myself. Sure I would miss the physical aspect such as holding hands, cuddling, and of course my favorite kissing. Kissing has to be my absolute favorite thing to do with a person and to me it is very intimate and pleasurable.
Sorry I've rambled. Do you think dreams mean anything? or can they meet anything? I had a dream about one of my guy friends that I really care about. I feel this weird connection to him. That could just be me getting attached though. I tend to do that a lot. I hate getting attached to people because then when they distance themselves from me it hurts. It makes me incredibly sad. Well going back to my guy friend I'm not really sure how I feel about him. There are days where I want to hold his hand or kiss him. I get feelings I shouldn't be getting. That could just be the sexual attraction I guess. Funny because when I first met him I was not one bit attracted to him. Now that I know him I am. I'm not sure if it's his personality or just because of the fact he is incredibly smart. I love nerds what can I say. It could also be the fact that he is completely oblivious when it comes to girls. He has never had an official first kiss and he is still a virgin. It makes him seem innocent and vulnerable. Not that I have any experience in that department because realistically I don't. I think I like him but then I don't. I think about him often. More than I should since he is just a friend. I keep asking myself if I like him. Like if he was to tell me "Hey I like you" I wouldn't know what to say because I really don't know if I do. So how do you know if you like somebody? You usually know right. I don't. It's really hard for me to get feelings for somebody. I think something is wrong with me. If he was to get into a relationship right now I'm going to be honest and say that it would hurt a little.
If you're still with me, hang on in there. Everything is going to be okay.
Hmm maybe I am depressed. My moods feel really depressing lately. I'm so lost. I want to get out of this mood already. it's annoying me. I need a dose of your smile so I can feel better. Ugh why can't be stronger. I'm my mother's daughter so I should be stronger. I hate this. I feel so much pressure like everyone's watching me just to see what my next move is. I want to throw up but nothing is coming up. I need to get away so I can fix myself cause I'm currently broken.
Sometimes people don't give themselves enough credit. Some people are amazing and those are the ones I feel incredibly blessed to have by my side :) I have a huge place in my heart for my family and friends. Sometimes I take them for granted and I shouldn't. I miss them so much because in moments like this is when I need them the most. I can see my dreams but they seem so far away up in the clouds floating above me. I feel like I did when I was 5 years old, lost at the grocery store without my mom in sight. I'm lost right now. I need a sign or something to let me know what I need to do. Growing up is hard but it's part of life right? Decisions decisions... Everything has a consequence. I need God right now so much. I wish I could close my eyes and wake up with an answer. I'm not depressed just a little lost and sad. It's overwhelming and consuming me. I know everything is going to be alright, I just need to remain optimistic. Life is a bitch. I can't let her beat me down. I won't.
To you all reading this remember don’t let yesterday’s mistakes bring you down today because today’s beautiful, gorgeous, morning is simply a new beginning (:
I am incredibly sleepy and in desperate need of a nap. Finally settled in my new apartment. My roommates are very nice. First week of classes were going good until today. I thought my outfit was banging, Skinny jeans pretty earrings yellow tank top my leather jacket black chucks lipgloss and straight hair. I walked into my class feeling pretty confident until I sat down and realized I had my zipper down with my hott pink undies peeking out. Omg I was so embarassed, I couldn't even look up. The whole time I thought people were staring cause of my outfit but rlly it was because my stupid zipper was down. Wow. First week of classes and I already have stupid crap like this happening to me. Fml. Lmao I guess I shld be used to it. Stupid crap like this always happens to me. Like if I'm cursed or something lol
Previous PostsMy random thoughts...can't sleep, posted February 4th, 2013
:'(, posted April 12th, 2011, 1 comment
Lost in the world, posted April 7th, 2011, 2 comments
Hello World, posted January 13th, 2011, 1 comment
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